Band 9 model answer
A model answer written to illustrate a Band 9 response to this question, with the rubric breakdown and what carries it. Written by us as a teaching example, not a verified exam script.
“Mental health problems among young people are increasing. What are the causes, and what solutions can you suggest?”9
Overall
8.5
Task response
9
Coherence & cohesion
8.5
Lexical resource
9
Grammar
Rates of mental-health difficulties among young people have risen sharply in recent years. This essay considers the main reasons for this worrying trend and proposes several solutions.
Among the causes, the pressures of modern academic and social life stand out. Young people face intense competition for grades and university places, and the fear of falling behind generates chronic stress and anxiety. Social media compounds this: teenagers are now exposed around the clock to carefully curated images of other people's lives, which fuels constant comparison and a corrosive sense of inadequacy. A further factor is the weakening of traditional support networks, as busy, fragmented family life and reduced face-to-face contact leave many young people feeling isolated precisely when they most need help.
Fortunately, a number of measures could ease the problem. Schools have a central role to play and should treat emotional well-being as seriously as academic achievement, offering accessible counselling and teaching pupils how to recognise and manage stress. Equally, parents need to be encouraged to maintain open conversations with their children and to set sensible limits on screen use, so that young people feel supported rather than judged. At a societal level, governments could fund mental-health services aimed specifically at the young and run campaigns to reduce the stigma that still stops many from seeking help.
In conclusion, the rise in mental-health problems among young people stems chiefly from academic pressure, the influence of social media and growing isolation, but through better support in schools, more engaged parenting and stronger public services, this disturbing trend can be reversed.
- •Addresses both the causes and the solutions fully, with solutions that respond directly to the causes raised.
- •Ideas are extended rather than merely listed, the social-media point, for instance, is explained through the mechanism of comparison.
- •Wide and precise vocabulary: “carefully curated images”, “a corrosive sense of inadequacy”, “reduce the stigma”.
- •Logical, well-paragraphed progression with controlled, varied sentence structure.
- •The conclusion's optimism that the trend “can be reversed” is a touch strong given the scale of the causes, but it is consistent with the essay's argument.
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