199 words, written by us as a teaching example — not a verified exam script. Read it, then attempt the question yourself.
“The diagram shows the stages in the production of chocolate.”Model answer
199 wordsP1The diagram illustrates the process by which cacao pods are transformed into finished chocolate bars ready for sale.
P2Overall, the process is linear and consists of nine main stages, beginning with the harvesting of cacao pods from trees and ending with moulded chocolate bars that are cooled and ready for packaging.
P3Initially, cacao pods are harvested from the trees. The pods are then split open and the beans, along with the surrounding white pulp, are scooped out. At this stage, the beans and pulp are placed in containers and left to ferment for approximately one week, a process that develops their characteristic flavour. After fermentation, the beans are spread out and dried in the sun to reduce their moisture content.
P4Once dried, the beans are roasted to deepen the flavour. The outer shells are subsequently removed to leave the cocoa nibs inside. These nibs are then ground into a smooth liquid paste, known as cocoa mass or chocolate liquor. In the next stage, sugar and milk are added to the liquid and blended in to create the desired taste and consistency. Finally, the mixture is poured into moulds and cooled until it solidifies into bars, completing the production process.
Write your answer in the exam workspace and see how your four marks compare to the model’s.
Passive voice is used accurately and consistently: 'are harvested', 'are scooped out', 'are roasted', 'are added', 'is poured'.
Varied sequencing language: 'initially', 'at this stage', 'once dried', 'subsequently', 'finally'.
Now you
Reading a model ≠ writing one. Attempt the same question now, while the moves are fresh — then compare your grading side by side.
Write it nowCriterion breakdown
What keeps it from higher
Briefly naming the intermediate product as 'cocoa mass or chocolate liquor' in parentheses is accurate, but a single term would keep the register more uniformly formal.